apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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