There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
