Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
