his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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