All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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