If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
