I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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