so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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