3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
