did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
