woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just high enough for therapy.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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