its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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