Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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