The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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