no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
