you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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