Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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