I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
