Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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