Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
