yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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