Got a toothbrush?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize