You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
