How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
