My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
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We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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