found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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