There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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