Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
