it wasn't lemon gatorade
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And then he peed in my hair
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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