I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
