I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
