and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
