i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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