And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
