My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
