your thong is hanging out like whoa
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
