ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
