I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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