i permit you to call me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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