Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
