So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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