Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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