Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
