The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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