dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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