I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
