im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
