Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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