I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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