I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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