She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
