That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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