(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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