Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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