I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
