then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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