We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
