as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
