You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
