Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
