Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
