he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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