Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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