Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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