i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
