I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
