the condom got lost in my hair
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
