Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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