Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
