I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
