He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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